Libraries

The New York Times had an article today that once again left me such a sour mood, pretty much the rest of my day is pointless.

Cities are turning their libraries over to private corporations. One of the final bastions of free education in American society is being outsourced to men and women who have no qualms about firing unionized workers and hiring non-unionizers in their stead. Aside from the loss of benefits, pensions and the wage cut already low earning librarians will receive, the long term social effect is already palpable.

Do we really want big business censoring what we read? A library should be an oasis of knowledge where, no matter what your belief, you go to study. The United States is supposed to be one of the most modern and forward thinking countries on our planet. How sad is it that we value education and a strong, intelligent middle class so little.

We need to invest in our people. We need to make sure that our citizens are given opportunities for success. We need education to be in reach of not only the well off, but the poor. It's sick that we are so unwilling to give a hand to those in need. We are a selfish, greedy country. We look for short term fiscal returns, never the long term.

A part of me hopes that we will run America into the ground just so I can say I told you so. But unfortunately, the super rich will always survive to kick the impoverished. They've already begun by making education an exclusive club.

Scarf Season

Today I wore a scarf to work. It's taken a turn for the cold in Chicago. More than ever I feel myself bracing for the impending head on collision with winter. After doing laundry this past weekend, I tucked my shorts far into the back of my closet and pulled my sweaters forward. Farewell soft summer dresses. Hello bulky fall jackets.

As a sort of last hurrah before the real cold sets in, Sergio and I embarked on a twenty-five mile bike ride on Saturday. I'm not what one would call an athlete. I'm more of a napper or an eater. More indoor cat than border collie. However, despite the length, over all, it was more fun that not. Sure, towards the end, riding into a strong head wind left a lot to be desired, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud of myself.

We went to Meigs Field, which is a place I'm sure not a lot of people know about. It's the other side of the Field Museum and used to be a small airport for the rich. Now it's a wide expanse of prairie grass and wild flowers, far enough isolated that the sound of traffic is faint and distance. Little crickets rubbing their legs together, Canadian geese gently honking, and unobstructed wind whooshing through the tall grass are a welcome aural oasis from the usual bustling sounds of the city.

In the middle of the field are three metal nymphs standing at least ten feet high. I'm usually turned off by sculpture in the midst of natural beauty, but these three simply look as if they belong.

I know I'm sounding like a bad travel writer at this point, so I promise I'll stop soon. It's rare to find a gem like this in a city overrun by people. It's a place to be bathed in sunlight and joy. It's a place to find inspiration in the midst of concrete and glass.

But now it's raining and I get the sinking feeling I won't be truly warm again for another six months. Fall will be crisp and too brief. Winter will be unrelenting. I'll be found under blankets, hibernating with my cat, Fay. I must cheer up. Consider the beautiful foliage that is on the cusp of changing or the snow ball fights that are soon to be had. It's not all ruddy faces and bruised bottoms from slick ice. It's candy corn and pumpkin pie. Turkey and parades. Presents!

We'll think about those things and then worry about winter after that holidays.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I'm losing patience, people. I see our country quickly falling back into the hands of Christian, right-wing fundamentalists, who use religion as a scapegoat to justify their immorality. Intolerance is as permeating and prevalent as it's always been. Humanity seems to need a sinner to stone.
Our government is suppose to protect us from these gross infractions against our basic human rights. Our government is not a Christian government. Pull God out of the equation and what justification do you have to discriminate against homosexuals? None. You might as well tell women they can't serve unless they march off to battle in drag.
Congressional Republicans are not representing the people of the United States of America when they refuse to allow a topic to be debated. Obama is seen as weak and ineffective because he has tried for the past two years to make bipartisan decisions with a political party which is not open to debate. The right wing would much rather clamp hands over their ears and spout manipulative nonsense.
The time has come to stop being nice. We aren't going to win on November 2nd if we keep giving in to right. Honestly, it's probably too late to turn it around. People are too stupid to read a newspaper or Google a little research.
You know why Democrats are doing so poorly? Because we have tact. Obama has tact. Obama saw a country that had been divided and he wanted to unite it with bipartisanship. Well folks, compromise doesn't exist. We're all too selfish for that to work. So, fellow Democrats, let's go ahead and take off our gloves and fight like the future of our public school systems depend on us, because quite frankly, it does.

One Lonely Weekend

It was a lethargic and utterly lonely weekend. I left the house in brief bursts only to return and cover myself with sheets and blankets. I watched bad movies. And I don't mean the good kind of bad, I mean bad, bad. Like romantic comedy bad.

I wasn't depressed, just completely uninspired. I ached and slept. It's been a long time since I've had days of solitude. I thought I missed it, but I honestly don't. Facing the world without a partner in crime is not an easy task.

I'm trying to write some silly, sentimental blog about how much I've missed my Sergio this weekend while he's been on his trip to Florida. Unfortunately, it keeps coming out as shapeless drivel. I'm going to get right to the point. I love him and I miss him. Today's hours are going to trickle by slower than the Brown Line in a construction zone. I've felt utterly incomplete. It's weird not having someone to hold your hand.

It feels precarious being dependent on someone for happiness. I've been a loner for a long time. Not in the cool sense of loner. I never wore leather jackets and smoked cigarettes behind the gym,I've simply enjoyed having time to myself, to do what I want. But that's changed. I get bored when I'm alone. All I want to do is sleep.

He gets home tonight at 11. That seems so distant. I have an entire work day and a show between now and then. It's over 12 hours away. And it's gloomy outside. And it's a Monday. Today feels like it's going to be a French Market kind of lunch day.

A Call to Arms

To my fellow Democrats and Bleeding Heart Liberals,

Our country is on the brink of an election that could make or break the next few years of our country. How quickly our society forgets the burden placed on our shoulders after 8 years of failed leadership. We are so eager to point the finger at our latest administration because of this grossly unfair perspective that they've done nothing. When you're in a hole for 8 years, it's going to take longer than 2 to get out.

But I digress. We have a slew of politicians so far right that they threaten Medicaid and social security, systems in place that have helped insure that our elderly and sick aren't completely left destitute. It's dangerous to assume that the Tea party Movement doesn't have a chance come election day. These people will fight tooth and nail to get into office. I assure you, they will turn out to vote en mass.

I'm pleading with you, register to vote and then do the deed. We need to be as politically driven as our adversaries. We need to ensure that America can be a country that doesn't throw our weak to the wolves, that values education for poor and rich alike, and embraces complete and unwavering tolerance.

Please don't give this glorious country back to the hate mongers.

Love,
H.

Making Pictures

My pictures lately have not been that great. Maybe I've simply set the bar higher for myself, or maybe I'm getting rusty. I'm more inclined to believe it's due to my new need to use the manual settings on my camera. No matter how you dice it, I'm not happy with the product. Don't get me wrong, head shots are fine, but those are rather routine at this point.

My number one problem is focus. I have trouble knowing when something is crisp, especially in a darker environment. I don't mind using auto-focus in bright situations, but when it's dark the camera has to use this little focusing light that pretty much tells people I'm taking their picture and ruins any sort of candid moment I'm attempting. There has to be some sort of solution.

But then, maybe I'm simply not good at it.

I don't know, that's the thing, I just don't know. I know as artists we aren't suppose to work for praise. We're suppose to have a message that we want to deliver to an audience. What a bunch of egotistical nonsense. When I get up on stage or take a picture it's because I want someone to appreciate and respect what I'm doing. If the audience is unresponsive then I haven't done my job. I don't know a single actor who is indifferent to a bad review. Despite what they may say, it effects them.

When you untag a picture I take of you, it's like a bad review. I don't make a picture public unless it is a good picture of you. So when you snub it, it hurts. I'm like every other overly sensitive artist out there (meaning all of them), I don't like to see my art rejected on any level.

So of course, now I'm feeling all sad for myself being such a poor photographer. Oh, boo-hoo, Heather. I'm always so eager to begin brimming with self-pity a jealousy. Not this time, Miss Moats. This time I'm realize that all of my photographic issues are for the most part technical and can be solved by a bit more study. I'm going to realize I'm a lot better that many "photographers" out there despite my faults. I'm going to realize I've only really been doing this for two years and I'm not going to be perfect over night.

See, already in a more chipper mood! I'm also in a productive mood, which is a good thing with all the housework I need to do when I get home. It's amazing how easily my tiny apartment starts looking like a tornado went through. I'm going to admit something. I'm terribly messy.

So there you have it, another roller coaster ride through my highs and lows. And now, a picture that I took and like.

Not All Floridians are Crazy

I would like to think of myself as a pretty sane person within the vast spectrum of insanity despite the fact that I was born in Florida. In the past few years it has come to my attention that Florida has a pretty bad reputation for being filled with elderly curmudgeons and backwards thinking religious zealots. But we aren't all like that! But on second thought, I did get out of there as soon as possible.

I want to address the issue that I think links all of Florida's ignorant population together: The elderly.

Now, I don't usually mind old people. There are a lot of great ones out there. But, when they flock to my home state to retire and refuse to pay a state income tax because they don't believe they should be supporting an education system for children that aren't even related to them, I get a tad annoyed. Florida's school system is poor because no one is supporting it. This in turn feeds into an uneducated and ignorant population who burn sacred religious texts, put up massive confederate flags, and start complaining at any sort of hint their taxes might go up.

But despite this vicious cycle, I made it out okay and I know a few others who did too. It's unfortunate that we've seemed to abandon her. There are only so many days of 90 degree heat with 100% humidity and no breeze you can put up with. But I still have hope for our Southern most state. Maybe one day someone with a spine will be elected Governor and the state income tax that is long overdue will be implemented. It's unlikely with the geriatric populace shaking their canes angrily, but I can dream.

So please don't hate on all Floridians. Much like Islam, despite the common belief that we're all terrible, it's only a small percentage of the whole.

September

It's blustery and cool here in Chicago, the harbingers of autumn. After escaping the heated, sweaty grip of Florida, it's a welcome change. However, I can't help but feel some trepidation as my little city cools down. Undoubtably I'll blink and that fluffy white ice will be floating from the heavens, all too eager to leave my pale face ruddy.

But this winter, I'm prepared from the beginning. I'm now a one year veteran of the Chicago seasons. I know what to expect. I understand the neccessity of a healthy dose of vitamin D on those grey mornings that dissolve into grey days and grey weeks. I have a coat, I have a small collection of scarves, and I have a selection of hats. Bring it on, Chicago.

But I've skipped an enitire season, my favorite if I may say so. Fall. I come from a land where every tree is an evergreen, where we don gloves when it's 60 out. Florida doesn't do fall. Seeing the foliage erupt into red and yellow figurative flames, is an experience I can't imagine I'll ever tire of. There's a tree near my apartment that is one of the most magnificant sights to behold. It's this skinny little thing. It's leaves are sparse. But when it changes for fall, it's the most vibrant tree on the street.

It's a day like today I half wish I was still unemployed. I could take my netbook and sit in a park, get some lazy writing done while I soaked up the last few rays of summer. But I suppose we must all pay our dues before we can have such a lovely existence. Hopefully the thought will drive me to work harder.

Returning

For once I'm not writing to you from behind my large, green tinted, faux wood desk. I'm writing to you from not so sunny Orlando International Airport, Gate 124 waiting for a plane to take me back to Chicago. I've got my fingers crossed that this rain isn't going to delay my flight. The good news is that I have a direct flight so I should get there some time tonight even if it's not on time.

But enough boring chit-chat about my flight woes. I have a net-book that actually works, thanks to my dads computer savvy! Thus my ability to write to you in the middle of an airport. My trip to Florida has proven to be fruitful. If anything, it has reminded me of the number one reason I was eager to leave the Sunshine State: The sweltering heat. I just about died walking around outside for longer than an hour. Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure were fun if not slightly unbearable. The fake snow in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter was almost a slap in the face.

And what a lovely way to bring us to Harry Potter. A grossly irrational and unhealthy passion has been awoken inside me. I'm in love with a world that doesn't exist. I'm finding myself hoping for the first time in eons that there is in fact a heaven and in that heaven I get to attend Hogwarts, play Quidditch, and save everyone from the dark lord (all as a Ravenclaw because, you know, I'm pretty much Luna Lovegood).

I bought a scarf and a tie and I'll be wearing them to the movie when it comes out. I'm crazy. I'm hung up on things that aren't at all real. But that's my childhood and has we all know, if I'm nothing else I'm nostalgic. Even now I'm planning when I can reread the books next.

Maybe all I want is make believe. That's not true. There are definitely people in this world that I love and want. I'm happy when I'm doing a show. But that in itself is make believe. I have a slight obsession when it comes to reading and writing about the news, but that doesn't make me happy. It makes me very frustrated and upset.

I need to stop thinking and start doing. My plight stems from this over ponderous nature of mine. When it comes to writing, I over think any story before I start writing to the point where I can't help but hate my ideas by the end.

Now I need to stop writing. I always seem to leave myself more pointlessly nervous than I intended.