Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Show




It's been a long time since I've been in a show. At least two years. So I suppose it's only normal that the week leading up to my Chicago theatrical debut is filled with pre-show jitters and tiny butterflies darting around in my stomach. But it's a good show, a strong show, a show I can be proud of with everyone involved as talented as you could hope.

So I have a good job and I'm involved with a great show. I'm taking a few pictures that I'm proud of. Life is exactly where I wanted it a year ago. Why is it that we always want more? Can't I just be satisfied doing this for a couple of years at least? Nope. It seems to me that utter happiness and contentment is forever just on the other side of doing this or doing that. I'm only 22 and I'm getting a little tired of chasing dreams.

I am happy, don't get me wrong, just antsy. What's going to give me the life I want? But for now I'm going to be happy with what I have, a great job, a great show, a great cat, and an even greater boyfriend.

For all you lovelies who want to see my show, here's some info:



EXTINCTION FANTASIES

two apocalyptic romances by Daniel Caffrey*

Directors: Timothy Bambara*, & Jamie Bragg

CAST: Jennifer Betancourt, Mick Greco*, Zach Livingston, Heather Moats, Jared Nell, Chrissy Weisenburger*

A deadly plague has quietly destroyed the tiny, rural town of Tarker, wiping out nearly the entire population. Amidst the fading coughs and approaching gunfire, several survivors spark up new romances and repair wounded relationships in this pair of fractured love stories that begin at the end of the world.

Playing at the Side Project Theatre (1439 W. Jarvis Ave.)

JULY 2ND and 3RD at 9:00pm

JULY 4TH through 18TH - Sundays at 7:00 p.m., Thursdays at 9:00 p.m.

TICKETS $15 OR PAY-WHAT-YOU-CAN

Tickets available by visiting www.tympanictheatre.org, e-mailing admin@tympanictheatre.org or calling 773-442-2882

* Denotes company member

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Drip, Drip Drop

It's a miserably gloomy day here in rainy old Chicago. Despite the large skylights in my office, I'm depending heavily on my dim desk lamp to relieve the eye strain. Today is a sleepy kind of day that I'd rather be snoozing or reading a book, looking out at the grey city from my own apartment.
It's hard to be at work on a day like this. The lack of sun fills me with a lethargy I can't seems to shake. Knowing that eventually I will have to brave the wet world makes my mind numb.
It's a spooky day, wasted on the modern clean lines of the office. My age old interest in all things supernatural and folkloric is perking up again. Slowly, I find myself shaping a future career around this love.
For a while now, I have been planning to pursue an MA in History some time in the coming years. Nailing down what in history I want to study has been difficult. There is a plethora of historical knowledge I would love to possess. But, the other day I had an a-ha moment. American folklore. The history of legends and how they've shaped our society. That's what I want. Now how to get it.
UIC is currently my top pick. I desperately want to stay in Chicago. Loyola is an alternative. Tulane is an option stemming from my desire to study Southern folklore. If all of those fail, the year after I'll probably apply someplace in Florida, much to my chagrin. The truth is, I need this Master's and eventual Doctorate. I may have to travel for it.
Even as I write this, my heart clenches at the thought of leaving. There is too much here for me to leave behind for this to be an easy decision. Let's just cross our fingers I get into UIC.
Every program needs a 20+ page writing sample. When I read this, my jaw dropped. I expected that I would write lengthy papers once in grad school, but I've never written anything over ten pages. On top of that, this paper needs to be amazing. I'm guessing most of the people applying will have bachelor degrees in history, something I do not possess. My ability to get in rests on my GRE scores, writing sample, and cover letter. I need to be able to dazzle them with what little I've got.
And so, I've picked a topic: Marie Laveau and Feminism in 19th Century New Orleans. Of course, one of the books I desperately want to draw from is over $100. So here I have a nut of an idea and maybe it will grown into a tree. Maybe it won't but a cousin or a brother nut will.
But that's where I am, scared and drowsy. Nervous and lazy.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Reality Vs. Fantasy

Reality is the only thing, well, real. I'm sure philosophers would love to argue me on this point, but for the sake of this argument, reality equals real. So how cruel is it that our minds are wired to fall in love with fantasies?

I would say at least 80% of my day is spent day dreaming or mulling over thoughts or coming up with various social scenarios that would improve my life. None of this is substantial. People will almost always react at least some what differently than you expect, but I almost always plan out exactly what I'm going to say to someone before I say it. But of course, this just scratches the surface of the fantastical capabilities of the mind.

I love True Blood. I would love to say I'm the girl who shuns such nonsense, but it would be a big old lie. I comfort myself with the fact that at least I don't like Twilight. But True Blood? True Blood has me weak in the knees for vampires. When I watch True Blood, my strong, independent, I like having a man around but I certainly don't need a man, attitude melts and suddenly all I want to do is move to Louisiana, work at Merlotte's and meet the most Southern of Southern gentlemen, a vampire.

This is not healthy. The thing is, I love my current reality. I live in a great city, I have a good job, I'm writing, doing theatre, and taking pictures. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and I love him more than anything! And more than that, I wouldn't trade my current life for this parallel universe of vampires. So is it totally unhealthy? Maybe not? I hope not. Maybe we all need a bit of absurd fantasy in our lives to get us through real life's banalities.

At least I don't like Twilight.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

What is Photography?

These next seven photography class filled weeks will be a challenge. I have a lot to learn starting with the most basic technical aspects of my DSLR. I discovered last night that I don't understand how to turn off the automatic settings, let alone use the the darn thing manually. Some great photographer I am. How I long for the simplicity of a film camera!

But that's the easy part. That's the part I can learn and, with a little practice, become proficient at. There is a deeper, more personal subject I must at least begin to explore in this class: What does it mean to be Heather the artist?

Currently, photography is a way to show people a snippet from the world as I see it. I give focus to those things that I focus on. I show moments of intimacy between myself and my subject. I love the idea of capturing a mundane moment. It's within this banality that honesty exists. There is little truth behind a posed smile.

I've been casually using the term subject to mean a person. I don't limit myself to shooting people, but at the moment, it's what most interests me. I'm sure at the time, my candid shots at parties can be annoying to my friends, but I hope that in a few years they may look back and witness their development as a person. To be frank, I don't make pictures for my subject. That they get something beneficial from them, is just a nice side effect.

I've been toying with the idea of a series of portraits. My hope would be that by using friends they will be more open. My idea is that they will bring the one thing from their home that they would grab if there was a fire and I would photograph them with it. I think it may be a good way to start exploring use of light. Since it will be in black and white, I want to find several backdrops with different and strong patterns.

Our teacher spoke of a photographer who teaches at Columbia (his name escapes me at the moment) who has spent the last twenty years photographing his house. What sounds dull is in fact beautiful and exciting. He's documented a divorce, a remarriage, children leaving. It's breathtaking how a building will change. It drives home the meaning of home.

As an exercise, I want to play with this. I pride myself on having pretty good composition skills. Here is my chance to prove it.

Man, oh, man, I'm excited about the endless possibilities for my photographic future.

Monday, June 7, 2010

What We Miss

What We Miss

I have a new book that I'm eager to read:

THE INVISIBLE GORILLA

And Other Ways Our Intuitions Deceive Us

By Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons

It examines how frequently we miss the obvious when our attention is focused elsewhere and how often our memories differ from what actually happened.

The idea that my memories could be fictitious is frightening. When I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, was I really ecstatic to be there? When I went to the Cayman Islands, did I in fact step on a flounder fish? And what about memories that are specifically tied to other people? Am I embellishing intimate moments I've shared with others?

The truth is, I'll never know. I could ask friends and family but their memory is inaccurate as well.

With my current photography skills, it's a little easier to remember things as they happened. I can at the very least remember the places I've been and the people I've met. I could become a diligent journal keeper. There are ways of documenting my life that I'm not taking advantage of. I need to tell the story of my life, not only through pictures but with words and names. I'm almost 23 and I would like to be able to look back at my life when I'm 80 and have an accurate picture of what I once was.

I look too much to the future and I depend too much on the past. Friends would probably say I should live in the now, but the now is so fleeting. The past is a wealth of experieces that I fear I'm not drawing from. And without drawing from them, how can I make the infinite future a happier place for aging Heather?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Me And My Bike

Chicago is said to be one of the most bike friendly cities in the US. Yesterday, I picked up my shiny new Trek Lime and got a taste of it myself. From Old Town to Lincoln Square, on 5.5 miles of main street, I cycled home! I had such a great time. I never really felt in danger. There were a couple times when I had to squeeze past a parked car and a car waiting at the light, but that's about as scary as it got.

And talk about a wonderful bike! It rides so easy. I get to sit up. I don't have to shift. What else could I ask for? I want to go on another ride today, but I'm afraid it might be raining again by the time I get home tonight. Plus, the Black hawks are playing tonight (Go Hawks).

My new verdict, living sans a bike in Chicago is a sin.

On Death

Why is death looked on with such animosity? I understand the fear of the unknown. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of my impending doom, but it's kind of peaceful knowing that eventually (and hopefully after I've lived a long and fulfilling life) I will be greeted by complete oblivion. It makes life more worth living and turns the stresses of today seem minuscule in comparison.

The one thing I don't want is anyone messing with my body. This is going to sound really hippie-like, but I want to live a second life as a tree or a blade of grass. That's why I'm saying here, don't you dare touch me with formaldehyde. Throw me in a hole and put a simple stone marker with my name and the dates of my life. It's little wonder that something like cryonics not only disgusts me, but freaks me out. Below is the Wikipedia article I've been reading and it just gives me the chills. How much would it suck to be frozen and wake up 100 years later? No one you knew is alive. Everything is vastly different. No thank you. When I die, I'm dead.

Cryonics

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Success

Aw, success, that fleeting moment when you at last feel as if you're taking a few baby steps down your life's journey. In my experience, it seems as if success comes in waves. For instance, the past year has felt like treading water. I was in a lake. I could see the shore, but I couldn't figure out how to get there. Well, let me tell you, I've learned the breast stroke.

As you know, a few weeks ago I got a job. Obviously this registers and numero uno success. A paycheck. Benefits. Paid holiday's. Life suddenly got good and interesting.

But suddenly, boom, I'm an actor again! After an almost two year hiatus from the stage, this little lady will be making her Chicago stage debut as Sable in Dan Caffrey's Dark Horse. How exciting is that? Almost exactly a year after I moved up here I get a job and a show back to back. Life can be so funny like that. It's almost enough to make a cynical gal like me believe in fate.

The cherry on top of my lovely life ice cream Sunday, I bought a new bike. Ladies and gentlemen, I plan on being a Chicago bicyclist enthusiast. With my new bike I'll go to the store, to friends houses, to the movies. I'll bicycle here and there, and every where on my new Trek Lime. I will no doubt blog about my many summer biking adventures. I pick it up today after work and I'm going to (try to) ride it home.

So here's to success and to remembering it when I start to tread water again.