Friday, July 30, 2010

Friday Drizzle

It's Friday and quiet. It makes the ever present electric whir from the overhead lights more pronounced. It makes me lazy and tired. I'm eyeing the box of candy on my desk and doing my best to keep these cravings at bay.

The day before yesterday was a big day. My anniversary with Sergio. We've been in Chicago together for a year. When I think back, sometimes it feels like a month, other times it feels like we've been together a blissful eternity. It's been a good year, filled with growth and advancement. We've been anything by stagnant.

I'm sounding rather clinical today. I'm real excited that it's almost the weekend. The only thing is, I wish it was the weekend. It's only 3h45m away. So close I can almost taste it.

But instead of blabbering on about this or that in this wildly unstructured manner, let's talk about something. Let's talk about Florida.

I never in a million years thought I'd being saying this, but, I kind of miss Florida. Not all of it, of course. I could live without the humidity and pushy tourists, but there are some really great things about my birth-state. Disney World. I miss Disney World like the desert miss' the rain. Call me kitsch or crazy, but sometimes I just want an excuse to recreate my childhood, naive and lovely as it was. If I could just magically ride the WED-Way People mover right now, I couldn't be sad about anything for at least a week.

The weather. Yes it was hot almost every single freaking day of the year, but at least the sun was out. The rain is on a regular schedule. Storm clouds roll in at around 3 or 4 and they're gone by 6, perfect for an afternoon siesta. It's rare that you have an all day gloomy affair like today.

And of course, as corny as it may sound, I miss my family. I didn't realize how much I would. I don't really know what else to say, just that I do.

So there you have it, a brief glimpse at my nostalgia for a state I no longer belong to. I don't know if I could find lasting happiness along its sundrenched shores or alligator riddled swamps, but it gave me a lot while I was there. I can't wait to visit in September.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Religion, Insanity's Scapegoat

Let me start off by saying that not all religion is bad. I know some people who are devoted to living a moral and just life and make a serious attempt not to judge others. If God is what you need to get through life, then I'm happy you've found him. But the vast majority of religion is a scapegoat.

I will be speaking from a mostly Christian view point, it's the religion I'm most familiar with (specifically Catholicism). Religion has been used to justify terrorism from its beginnings. Torture and murder is okay as long as you're doing it for God, right? Christians, Jews, Muslims, and even Buddhists are all guilty of this at some point or another. Atheists aren't any better, but at least we're honest about our motives. Is it human nature to want to dominate the world? I have no idea, but it sure seems like it.

I'm upset by these people who are pissed off about building a mosque two blocks from Ground Zero. The entire Islamic faith did not do this to our country. A few fucked up radicals did. Would anyone complain if someone wanted to build a church next to where the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building used to be located, the location of the Oklahoma City Bombing? I don't think so, yet Timothy McVeigh was a Christian.

I think it would be a beautiful thing to build this mosque. Let the world see that despite our wounds, we proudly accept all faiths. We don't stereotype and lump people together thanks to the violent and unforgivable acts of a few people. Maybe it's naive, but perhaps by throwing open our arms to the peaceful followers of religion, it may help to convince their misguided brethren to put aside their weapons. Fighting fire with fire doesn't work, can't we at least try another tactic. If we continue to alienate the Islamic community, how can we expect them to be on our side?

Let's counteract intolerance with tolerance and hate with love.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Good Morning

One of the few things I enjoy about being up at 7 in the morning is how cool everything is. After a weekend of relentless sun, a reprieve, no matter how short, is welcomed. I'm attempting to ignore the fact that later this week it should be in the mid-90's. Like so much candle wax, I may melt.

I'm finding it difficult to comprehend how a city that can easily hit -10 or below on a mid-February morning can give Florida temperatures a run for their money come July. Even the sticky humidity can be just as unbearable. I'm left lethargic and exhausted. The sun literally weakens me.

I'm looking out of the skylights and I can see the suns light as it begins to bake Chicago once again. Yet another day I'm thankful for AC and more than happy to pay my nearly doubled electric bill.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Going Home

I just bought a round trip ticket to Cocoa Beach. Well, technically into Orlando airport (thank you Southwest for your direct flights), but the ultimate destination is my parents new condo snuggled between the Banana River and the Atlantic Ocean.

I'm looking forward to it. Sometimes the city can be overwhelming. Like commuting. Ordinarily I don't mind my commute. In the morning there's always a seat on the "L", I read my copy of the Red Eye, and basically just zone out for 40 minutes. The afternoons are vastly different. The AC doesn't work. People jam elbows into you in order to squeeze onto an already overcrowded train. For a girl who gets motion sickness rather easily, it's a recipe for disaster.

I'm starting to think I might be rather delicate. That I get squeezy riding in the backseat of a car, that I feel faint if I stand up too fast, that I can't go to the gym without feeling both, is not something I'm proud of. For someone who is as strong in their opinions as I am, physical weakness is a hindrance.

I love Chicago, but sometimes I think all I need is a cabin on a mountain somewhere, a computer, and my cat. But then I'd probably be lonely. I'm on the verge of giving up on finding what I want. I'd settle for what's good for me at this point.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

An Uninspired Post

I don't have much time to write. Quite frankly only a very minuscule part of me actually feels like writing right now, but I thought it might be time to push myself to do some whilst uninspired. After all, I doubt the greatest writers felt like writing every day. Only 1/10 of any art is inspiration, the rest is good old hard work. Any one who says otherwise is most likely lazy.

So what to write about? I'm at work and the busy day is coming to a close. People are trickling out and I'm stuck behind my desk wondering if someone is going to call between now and 5:15 trying to sell us something. I feel bad for the salesmen. What a horrible job. You're entire livelihood depends on convincing someone they need something they probably don't in fact need.

But I answer the phone. I connect people who need to be connected, or at least try to.

I'm constantly distracted by this idea of future me. I'm so hung up on this idea of individuality and the need for self-expression, but maybe the last thing the world needs is another artist. Maybe the world needs an artist who's not afraid face reality, enter mainstream and even teach our future or even lead it.

I'm completely in love with the idea of teaching. Maybe it's my youthful innocence, but I want to inspire people and give them hope and knowledge. Despite our tarnished history, I have an abundance of hope for humanity. I've seen the trail of bloodshed we've left in our wake, but I've also seen the blossoming of acceptance and understanding. As our ability to communicate with one another improves, I can't help but imagine our xenophobia, homophobia, and pretty much any type of peoplephobia will decline. Knowledge, real, honest to goodness knowledge not propaganda is the best weapon against hatred.

I'm sounding like a hippy, I know. Let's just love one another, man. Do I ever think we'll have a world without war or crime? No. But that is no reason to stop fighting for Utopia. If we stop, we'll slip further and further back. We have to fight to tread water. We have to fight harder to make headway.

Monday, July 12, 2010

A Happy Post

I've been grumpy and stressed for a while now. In order to prove that I'm still happy I have decided to blog cheerfully today and bring to light all of those things which make me happy.



Let's start simple with a little thing I like to call the blueberry. Blueberries are delicious. Blueberries are in season. Blueberries are currently in my work fridge begging to be eaten. Probably my favorite fruit, when eaten a pint at a time, perks me up, softens my skin, and never fails to brighten my day. Maybe some of the effects are in my head, but still what's wrong with a healthy placebo every once in a while.

Next we have books. The smell of books, the texture of books, the content in books. I know if I ever stop reading or learning, life will becoe completely meaningless. What's the point of being an empty shell? But more than that, running my finger under the lines, smearing the print slightly, flipping a thin page or a thick page, hearing the crack as it closes. As long as I've got a good book, there's nothing to complain about!

True Blood. We are all allowed our guilty pleasures, mine just happens to be a soap opera about vampires. I need to know which fanciful creature Sookie will be seduced by next week. Will Tara ever find a good man? What crazy/stupid thing will come out of Jason's mouth on Sunday? So good! No. Not good. But completely consuming.

There you have it. Happiness. Of course there are countless other things that make me happy, in fact, many that leave me more happy than these, but I'm running out of time. Work is soon coming to a close. I must run off to photography. Ta-ta.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Life Built on the Bent Backs of Others

Our lives are the result of countless people who suffered and died in hopes of a better tomorrow, and we don't even learn about them. It's disgusting that you open an average high school textbook and our nations past Presidents and corporate elite are depicted as heros who birthed a minimum wage and safe working conditions. These text books fail to mention the uphill battle that hundreds of thousands of people fought in order to work less than 12 hour or more days and make more than $3 a week. The United State's presidents of the 1800's were no heros. They were elected by the wealthy to make the rich like Rockefeller and Carnegie richer and keep the poor in their place.

I'm reading A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn. The amount of our history that is left out of curriculum, not only in high school but college as well, is staggering. Our history is polished and cleaned, sanitized. We are taught to be proud of this grand nation filled with pioneers and courageous pilgrims who founded a land of equality and freedom. But this is not the reality of our beginning.

Europeans knocked out 90% of the native population with disease alone. I am sure the Europeans can not be completely blamed for this. Could they have known how devastating small pox would be for a community who had evolved to resist parasites not virus'? But Europeans did know these diseases were contagious and occasionally used a form of biological warfare by throwing diseased bodies into the villages of the natives (this was also practiced in Europe).

Later on, the US Government would sign documents promising Native Americans land West of the Mississippi. Over and over they broke these contracts and kept pushing them further and further as the US expanded. Cherokees made an attempt to adapt to the European way of life. They were still kicked out.

There's really way too much to go into in a blog post. I want you to know that I am not anti-American. I don't believe current citizens of the United States can be held accountable for what our ancestors did. But, we do need to accept what happened. We need to know and then we need to move forward keeping our tarnished history in mind. What our country professes to be be is a beautiful thing. But what we say we are and what we are seem to be separate. Let us strive to be a country where equality exists to the extent that it can.

We have come a long way since our founding, but it's a delicate balance. I feel we could so easily fall backwards. A fear at the fore front of my mind is the disappearance of unions. An alarming amount of people fail to understand their importance. They think they ask for too much. They think that the government can and will protect the workers. However, I find it hard to believe the government is going to protect the individual when corporations via lobbyists are pouring millions of dollars into the pockets of senators and congressmen. We need entities that can stand up to those forces. The government can't make certain coal mines and oil rigs are safe (most likely due to hefty donations from both industry's). Could they take on the added responsibility of insuring individuals rights and safety?

In a perfect world, Ayn Rand characters would actually exist. Business men would be honest and as long as people performed their duties they would be okay. But that's not this world. A libertarian world won't work any more than a communist world will. Extremes fail.

And there you have it. My angry rant for the week.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Entitlement

My generation is getting a bad rap. But is it earned? Out of all of my friends, I think I am closest to this idea of entitlement. Which isn't to say I believe I am entitled to anything. I have parents who have have been financially successful. Not rich by any means, but solidly middle class. Because of this, I have been, for lack of a better word, blessed. I made it through college almost completely debt free (the only loan I took out was to study abroad in London) and moved to Chicago without a job and virtually penniless, all through the love and generosity of my parents. But does this make me "entitled"?
I am well aware of how lucky I am. I have two wonderful parents who I can fall back on. But the truth is, I am fighting not to. I don't want to depend on my parents. It's not fair to myself and it is most certainly not fair to them. I want to succeed. I want to be able to buy my own plane ticket home for Christmas.
But here I am, about to lean on them once again as I get all my ducks in a row to potentially go to grad school. I'm a never ending drain of money. I take take take, and what do I give?
Life is expensive. Education is expensive. If I go to grad school, get my doctorate in history, where's the proof I can even get a teaching job? I see this picture of myself, thirty years older, twenty pounds heavier, sitting behind a desk answering phones, and writing a blog about everything I'm going to do.