An Unfortunate GRE Score

I would like to preface this by saying that not all of my GRE score was unfortunate. I did quite well on the Verbal portion and while my writing section could have been higher, it was nothing to be ashamed of. However, it has taken me a month to get over the embarassment of my quantitative score.

Math, the bane of my existence. Numbers and formulas seem to wash over my brain like so much water. I don't soak them up the way I do words. It would be nice to say I'm handicapped, that something is wrong with my head. Maybe I'm allergic. But I feel like that's the easy way out. It's me making excuses for my own inability to buckly down and actually study.

Most of my life I've drifted through math classes, cramming my brain full enough to pass tests with a reasonable grade, soon letting the equations and time tables flit out when the danger of failing passed. I need to start at the very beginning and train myself, pull myself up from the pool of ignorance I've mired myself in by years of expertly B.S.ing.

Are there classes for adults with a college degree who simply don't grasp math? Maybe I should bite the bullet and pay over $1000 for a GRE class. But what if I take that class and my brain is so thick that I refuse to learn? Why does this one stupid score need to stand in front of me and my Grad school future? Should I not go to grad school? Should I pack up a tiny travel trailer and venture around America with Fay taking pictures and writing stories of the modern American twenty-somthing girl?

Sometimes I forget my age. I forget that I'm 23 and have years upon years ahead of me. But years are getting shorter and I can already feel my life speeding up. Those things I were uncertain of a year ago, I'm still uncertain of. I am bogged down by my generations need to accomplish something significant. I feel as if my life will be a waste if I fail to contribute to humanity in some way, minor or major.

And now I am babbling my insecurities all over the internet in some wave of nervous venting. All I want is to be intelligent and talented enought to leave some tiny scar on the surface of civalization. I guess in the grand sceem of things, that is a lot to ask.