I was once in love with the CTA. Finally I lived in a city that didn't require a driven commute. Anywhere worth getting to is accessible via the "L". It was pretty wonderful. But the people, the inconsiderate, smelly, irritable people, have completely spoiled it for me and left me longing for the sanctuary of my car. So let me break down a few of my CTA pet peeves and hopefully relieve my transit headache.
1) Sick People
If you are sick, please do not ride the "L". This is a shout out to the runny nosed man sitting next to me this morning on the train. Besides the annoying/disgusting sound of you blowing your nose every five seconds into a filthy tissue, I can't afford to get sick! I know, come fall I'll have my annual flu, I don't need one in August. It's completely inconsiderate of you to bring your virus into what basically equates to a germ incubator. You shouldn't even be going to work! If you're sick, stay home, or at least don't bring your bug into a situation that will give it the best chance of transmittal.
2) People on the Aisle Seat Who Won't Stand So You Can Get Out
Is it really so fucking hard to stand up? This one really burns me up. These people assume that twisting their knees into the aisle to you can shuffle by is good enough. It's not. I don't like putting my butt in your face any more than you like having it there. I don't like having to touch a complete stranger, let alone smush against one just to exit my seat. Just stand up for five seconds and then, guess what, you get to sit down again! I know! Who knew?
3) People Who Don't Shower/Don't Wear Deodorant/ Wear too Much Perfume/Cologne
You know it's going to be crowded. You know it's going to be hot. You know people are going to be trapped with you for 30 minutes. You would think this would mean people would make an effort to smell decent, but no. At the worst, these stinky people will attempt to mask their odor with a bath of perfume, which generally leaves me more nauseated than natural body stink.
So there you have it, the people I hate most on the CTA. There are others such as the person who thinks their bag deserves a seat more than the 88 year old woman, or the person who elbows their way onto a train that already feels like a sardine can, but talking about them in length would only prolong this need to throw something and see it shatter. So instead I'll think calm thoughts, like driving in my car down an empty highway, listening to Petula Clark's "Don't Sleep in the Subway".
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You don't know. Maybe somebody wants your butt in their face.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, sometimes people bathe in cheap cologne. Try spraying febreeze on the L indiscriminately. See if anybody complains, if not, keep doing it.
And sickness... umm, hazmat suit?
Can we also please address the issue of rush hour commuters and their cell phones? I'm sorry but in the morning when I'm on the way to work I do not want to listen to your stupid conversation-- I REALLY don't want to hear it seven times because the person on the other end has bad reception and you say it over and over again getting louder and louder each time. In the morning rush especially we have a little thing we like to call quiet time. Bring a book or sleep or put your head phones on (and at a reasonable volume please because I do not want to be forced to listen to whatever stupid music you have... because cool people who listen to good music are never the ones with it cranked up to what has to be deafening volumes... I swear to god, if I can make out the lyrics to baby got back from 5 seats away at 7:30 in the morning, I may have to hit you-- and seriously-- don't sing. just don't). You can do any thing at all you like that involves sitting or standing quietly with the rest of us trying to turn our brains on for a day at the office. But don't make noise. And if you must talk to your boyfriend about how late you guys stayed up last night and how totally messed up you are from your totally awesome good time with your awesome rockin good friends that you just so totally awesome can't function without... then have the decency to speak softly.
ReplyDeleteAlso-- the reason I carry an umbrella when it rains is so I can avoid getting wet... so can you not put your #$^@$ing wet umbrella on my leg or the seat next to you that I of course have to ask you to move so I can sit down and then spend the next 5 hours of my day with a wet ass? I'm sorry but is that unreasonable?
And really, ma'am-- you're seriously picking your toes and putting lotion on your feet? Really? Really?!?! Do you actually want me to vomit? Because I might. And I will not make any attempt to avoid you in doing so.
My favorite L moment was when I got on teh train and was delighted to find an empty seat in the back, but as I got closer, I saw that there was a homeless guy in the seat next to it, and that he was drooling onto the empty seat (hence its emptiness).
ReplyDeleteI decided to just stand.
Good point, Robin. My personal distaste is for techno, which seems to be blasting on every train I get on.
ReplyDelete